The Grip of Comparison
- Jun 7, 2022
- 7 min read
Updated: Dec 15, 2022
Dear Girl Mom,
We know how challenging it can be raising daughters in a time where it seems like comparisons are a part of every aspect of their lives: from grades, friends, sports, to how social media is consistently in their back pockets; it is difficult for our girls to escape the grip of comparison!
We hope you will enjoy this post on comparison, and we pray it will encourage you as you help walk your daughter through this season in her life.
Love,
Nicole & Stacy
Comparison can affect girls of all ages. This topic is truly close to our hearts as we have had our own continuous battles with comparison over the courses of our lifetime. No doubt, every woman, both young and old, has wrestled with the struggle of comparison at some point in time of their lives. It can truly be a lifelong journey.
Nothing can make us more aware of the pitfalls of comparison than when we step into the world of motherhood. With each of us being a work in progress, this journey opens up the considerable opportunity to allow the Holy Spirit to be at work within us.
Our Stories...Before Motherhood
Upon receiving her driver's license at 16, Nicole wrestled with comparison. She would look around at all the other cars parked within her high school's parking lot and sigh. Being blessed with a 1979 Monte Carlo, a gracious gift no doubt; she took note over how it stood out among the other brand-new cars many of her peers were driving.
Now, looking back on her high school driving experiences, she recalls fondly how, after a long school day, anywhere from five to nine adolescent boys would laugh at the game of trying to see if they could all fit within her car's massive trunk. Yes! All at the same time! This is a treasured memory to this day.
However, at the time, she was insecure about the size, as well as the baby-blue hue, of her vehicle. Joy was lost as she compared her metal tank with the other more sleek and modern fiberglass vehicles in the school's lot. Yet, now that those years have come and gone, she realizes how special that car was, how unique its features were, and how there was a blessing in having been the proud owner of a '79 Monte Carlo.
Stacy's experience with comparison within her youth was a bit the same, yet altogether different! As a girl who has always had a die-hard passion for cars, Stacy has known to have been accused of dating boys in high school solely over the cars they drove!
While she truly was not that shallow, her passion for cars, comparing them up against one another, and valuing their individual ingenuity is something that runs deep in her blood.
When Stacy received her driver's license, she was determined to learn how to drive manual transmission solely so she could take her father's cherry red 1987 Jeep Wrangler out on the San Antonio byways. Honest confession: she longed for the attention and being in the limelight as she pulled into her high school's parking lot. Whoa...
Needless to say, the comparison trap had its grip on the attitudes of both Stacy and Nicole!
What About After Becoming a Mom?
Suffice it to say, the nature of the comparison trap only grew stronger upon stepping into motherhood! From the time our girls were babies and in playgroups, we have found ourselves guilty over the "art" of comparing. It started with comparing our daughters' milestones with others their same age, and simply never seemed to stop.
In watching our daughters blossom and grow, we have often witnessed how they, too, compare themselves with others. It all started at a very young age, too. Even though we, as moms, were equally careful to not inadvertently foster a comparison mindset, it was something that seemed to just innately develop within our daughters.
One of the first things we noticed was their nature to critique and contrast their appearances. Whether it was over the latest fashion trend, hairstyle, filters on social media, or the application of cosmetics, how we are portrayed to the world is huge within the mindset of a budding adolescent (and beyond). And, this only scratches the surface.
Consider the comparison that goes on within the minds of athletes and measuring their abilities to one another. Or, in the realm of academia and how students compete for and compare grades to get into the best, most strategic universities. With both Nicole and Stacy having adolescent athletes in our homes, we have witnessed firsthand how this truly has been a mindset challenge and topic of discussion over each of our dinner tables these past several years! Comparing all competition with various colleges and plans, along with celebrating with those who are signing to play sports in college, all while weighing ones' own personal college plans against everyone else's is just plain exhausting! In these contexts, there truly is no right or wrong, yet the rabbit-hole is found at the cost of spiraling downward through the temptation to compare.
So, while comparison boils down to basically being human nature and something we just do, the question remains: How can we prevent the comparison game from affecting our daughters?
What Are We Going To Do About It?
While comparison may be ingrained in us from an early age, and an innate part of human nature, it can rob us of yielding to who we uniquely are created to be. It tries to put us in the very same category with everyone else. How boring life would be if we were all the very same!
However, it is true, comparison is not always a bad thing. In considering this blog, and the podcast endeavor we have embarked on, it is clear that there are positive perspectives regarding comparison. When it is kept in check by parameters and boundaries, comparison can be an altogether fantastic guidance tool. For instance, in looking at the development of our podcast, we spent time comparing a variety of other podcasts against one another. We researched our topic to see what was out already, and prayerfully considered how our approach would measure up against what was already available. These have been necessary steps for growth and relevance, while also remaining aware of the audience we hoped to reach. With these parameters in mind, comparison was helpful, wise, and necessary.
Likewise, this phrase has often been quoted in our home, "Don't let someone else's success minimize your own and what God is doing and has done in your life. There is room for all of us."
What a powerful reminder that we are each created as unique individuals with gifts, talents, and quirks unlike any other person on the planet.
"Comparison is the thief of joy."
As we return to the question of, "What are we going to do about it?", we reflected on a passage within the book of John. It is a moment between Jesus and several of His disciples while on the beach. Peter is wrestling with comparing his personal situation and purpose to fellow disciple, John.
John 21:21-22 states,
When Peter asked Jesus, 'What about him, Lord?' Jesus replied,
'If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.'
This is a profound moment for Peter, as Jesus is offering him his missional purpose in life. Jesus had just finished asking Peter if he loved Him. In fact, he didn't ask him just once, or twice, but three times.
"Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Jesus asked. Peter replied, "Yes, Lord, you know I love you."
Jesus then told Peter to take care of my sheep.
These verses build off one another and the truth is crystal clear: we are to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and follow Him. He has a purpose for each of us, especially as moms. Likewise, He has a purpose for each of our daughters. We are not to be concerned about the cool kid and what he/she is doing, and we are not to analyze which car is better than the other. Instead, we are to recognize the glory that is, say, a '68 Camaro, and be grateful for the engineering genius behind it all!
In all seriousness, if we, as moms, can walk securely in the love of Jesus, His purpose, and His invitation to follow Him, while leaning into the power of the Holy Spirit to help us in our weaknesses, then we will live in victory over the grip of comparison. After all, there is room for all of us, and no doubt how readily we would each benefit from sitting at Jesus' feet, being encouraged just like Peter, to, "Follow Me."
Consider how when we, as moms, start to lean into the power of the Holy Spirit for strength to overcome on a daily basis, we will bear good fruit.
Our daughters need for us to show them what a strong, confident woman looks like. They desire it. We can either model what it looks like to live caught up within unhealthy competition or walking in freedom from it, securely enfolded in our destiny with Jesus Christ.
"God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
2 Timothy 1:7
When we walk around cloaked in fear, encased with worry brought on by comparison, we are allowing fear to take root. Those days when we don't look to the Spirit and ask for His help will no doubt be the biggest days of battle we will have with comparison.
We have to choose to battle comparison or invite God into the battle as our strength. He alone gets all the glory for the victory and our ability to model freedom from the grip comparison can have on our souls.
So, what do we do?
We follow Jesus. We look to Him, spend time with Him in prayer and reading His Holy Word, and we draw near to Him in relationship. He alone is faithful to provide us the strength, ability, and grace to overcome and walk away from any temptation with the unhealth of comparison.
Precious Lord Jesus,
We invite You into our heart and our lives to be our focus and strength in battling the temptation to compare ourselves with others. Help us to hold fast to Your truth that we are your beloved daughters, created in Your image, fearfully and wonderfully made. Infuse a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline into our everyday lives. May we seek you with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength every day we live here on earth.
Amen.
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