Helping Our Girls Fight Anxiety

Dear Girl Mom,

We know that walking your daughter through a season of anxiety can often leave you feeling helpless. As moms, we long to do whatever it takes to clear the path for our girls, hoping to make life a little bit easier. Unfortunately, there are many times when the only thing we can do is offer them our love, support, a shoulder to cry on, and prayers.

Anxiety is not always easy to talk about, but it affects so many of us and our daughters. We hope this conversation is an encouragement to you as we share what we’ve personally learned through our own seasons of anxiety.

Thank you for joining us. We’re so glad you’re here.

Love,

Nicole and Stacy

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I'm going to be honest with you. For me, this particular episode was one of the most emotional and vulnerable we have recorded. Stacy and I pray over all the topics we bring to the podcast, and this one was no different. I know that we are not alone in our own struggles with anxiety and raising daughters who are also battling anxiety. However, opening up about some of the specifics revealed some emotional wounds that have not yet healed. I didn't even realize they were still there until I began sharing the words that were on my heart!

It is with deep gratitude that we open up this space where moms can connect and relate to each other, seeking support and encouragement in even our most intimate and heartbreaking parenting struggles. Our hope and prayer is that this topic is one we as moms become more comfortable discussing and sharing about.

If you’re on this journey right now, please know that simply talking about anxiety can be extremely beneficial. We want to bring it to light, and not try and hide the fact that so many of us battle this issue on a daily basis. When your child struggles with anxiety, it can be easy to feel helpless and alone. We are here to encourage you, and to remind you that you are most certainly not alone!

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My oldest daughter began her most challenging battle with anxiety in elementary school. She had always had separation anxiety, but when full-time school began, we watched it consume her. In addition to that, she had a fear of throwing up. (It's a real phobia called emetophobia. I didn't know it had an actual name until I began doing some research at that time!)

So, when on the second day of school, a girl in her class threw up on our daughter's feet in the cafeteria, we were set up for what would be one of the most difficult challenges we had ever (or would ever) face as parents. That moment was so traumatizing that her anxiety kicked into overdrive, and school in general became her greatest anxiety-producing environment.

We tried talking it through with her. We reasoned with her and explained how, logically, she was safe and not in any danger. She didn't need to worry. She shouldn't be afraid.

If you have dealt with anxiety, you know that simply telling someone to "stop worrying" is pointless. For weeks, she would cry every evening in anticipation of school. Each morning was a battle simply to get out the door. I left her in the classroom each day, both of us in tears, as I pleaded with God to take this away from her.

The takeaway from this experience was that I, as her mom, was helpless to fix this. I couldn't take away the pain. I couldn't remove the worry and fear. My five-year-old was fighting a battle I couldn't help her win. We sought counseling and over time, she learned the tools she needed to help her face her battle head on. Counseling didn't remove anxiety from her life, but it gave my daughter the courage and confidence to look fear in the face and just keep going.

God provided an incredible resource, and I will be eternally grateful. She is a young adult now, and the growth we have seen in her over the years is a testimony to God's faithfulness and provision. She continues to see a counselor and likely always will. By the way, if you know a counselor, give them an enormous hug the next time you see them. What a gift they are to us all!

What’s the Deal with Anxiety?

The truth about anxiety is that it looks different for all kids and presents itself in a variety of different ways. What's important to remember is that there are so many helpful resources out there! However, anxiety is not a one-size-fits-all experience. My daughter has seen multiple counselors over the last decade before finding the right connection. For others, medication may be a necessary step in fighting the anxiety battle. There is no "right way" to face this journey.

Additionally, it's important to keep in mind that anxiety is a roller coaster. For those of us who despise roller coasters this isn't necessarily comforting! But it is worth mentioning because when we experience those ups and downs, it's helpful to realize that the lows won't always be low. And when we find ourselves on the mountaintop, feeling as though we have successfully pounded anxiety into the ground - at least for the moment - we can most certainly celebrate the victory.

Joshua 1:9 is one of my favorite verses. “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” It is so reassuring to know that God has commanded us to be courageous! And when He asks something of us, He will equip us with everything we need in that situation.

Fear is not from God. It is an unfortunate side effect of our humanity. So, when we feel that fear bubbling up to the surface, praying verses like Joshua 1:9 out loud, or over our daughter, has helped to ground us and divert our attention back to where it should be: on Jesus and the strength He gives us in all circumstances.

My daughter chose Joshua 1:9 for her confirmation verse, and it brings me so much comfort to know that scripture is a powerful tool that she can access when anxiety seems to be getting the best of her. An important lesson that we’ve learned along the way is that struggling with anxiety does not reflect a weak faith. This is a dangerous mindset because I believe it only serves to perpetuate the stigma of mental health struggles, especially in the Church.

This world is not our home. We will face trouble, heartache, pain, and disappointment. Anxiety is simply part of the trouble that Jesus told us we would face. But mercifully, He also reminds us that He has overcome it all! One day we will be free from pain - including anxiety! But for now, we live with it and want to seek ways to help keep it manageable in order to fully live into our daily lives.

So, What Are We Going to Do About It?

In order to wake up each day ready to engage in battle, I find it’s important to encourage our girls to focus on the truth of who God is, and who He says we are. We are not defined by anxiety. Our daughters’ identity isn’t rooted in anxiety. We are daughters of the King who also happen to struggle with anxiety. It’s no different than any other Believer who struggles with difficulty in life. We have access to God’s word and can apply it in our daily lives.

Another verse we can cling to is Hebrews 4:12: “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.”

Anxiety is really rooted in the desire for control. We tend to want full control of our circumstances and what happens in our lives. When we remember that God is fully in control and loves us impossibly more than we can imagine, we can release some of that into God’s capable hands.

Father God, you are the Author of our lives. While we are under the illusion that we somehow can take control of our own circumstances, gently remind us that You are before all things and in You, all things hold together. Whether we are facing anxiety of our own or striving to help our daughter walk through it herself, help us to remember that we are not alone. In times of anxiety, Lord, bring to our mind Psalm 121, "My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." We surrender control to you, Jesus. Be our Comforter and our Strength. Amen.